Hire ME!

There are job offers, and then are the ULTIMATE job profiles, which can only happen once in a lifetime. You blink, and the opportunity is slurped up by somebody with deft to get out of the crab basket. One came to my mailbox today, but I got so caught up in decoding the expectation of the HR person, I wasted precious time, and hence what seemed like an offer of a lifetime.

It began simply --
Hi, Waiting for a good opportunity in your life, want to pursue your career in Sales & Marketing sector, opportunity is at your door step. Damn, and my house door is locked. Opportunity would have waited, rang the bell unendingly, and then given up. Poor me!

It continued --
What you will get from company:-
1- Promotion and salary hike with in 6 month time Now that's what I call scaling the heights of success. Forget the corporate ladder, these guys are offering an escalator of career prospect. Plus I get 6 month time, for holiday! Yippee.
2- Secured and strong carrier, Ah, so I am to carry the product around on a bike :-/ I was hoping I would be able to afford a car with the promotion and salary hike, eliminating need for the carrier. Or maybe carrier can be attached onto the car. hmm
3- Stagnancy in the carrier, Stagnancy? But if the carrier does not go anywhere, how will I carry the product around? I think the earlier point forgot to mention the crane to which the carrier might be attached, subjecting it to this stagnancy.
4- Work satisfaction and well established corporate environment, With promotions, salary hikes, secured, strong and stagnant carriers you can bet the work will be satisfying.
5- Highest salary in the market More than Mukesh Ambani?! WooHoo. I am a rich girl Tra la la la la la la

And got ridiculous with --
What we require:-
1- Qualification (minimum Graduate) Yay! I qualify, I qualify. One down, two more to go
2- Sales and marketing skill Selling books counts, right? And I have awesome marketing skills. I once sold vegetable back to the vendor at a higher premium when I convinced him it looked like Lord Ganesha's trunk turned leftwards
3- Sound mental level, Wow! And I thought I would breeze past through the qualification round. I'm so TOTALLY do not have a sound mental health. My friends, family, even colleagues will sneak up on me about this fact. So close, and now its falling from between my fingers... Sob. sniff sniff

This part was the vaguest of all --
Profile :-
1- Managing a team of advisors Is this an undercover mental asylum of some sorts? I can see the dots connecting with the Point 3 above
2- You will be responsible for the training and development of the same. The plot thickens. I have to train and develop a team of advisors? Ah, now I get it. I will be like a queen, with these advisors, aka ministers who will abide by my whims and fancies. Pretty cushy this job seems.
3- Get the business done from them. Of course. I did read my history texts, although I don't remember the names of the vanquished nor conquerors. Oppressing people is easy once I have the wand of power in my hands.

So bring it on people. I am ready to rock and roll this world.